FINDING YOURSELF THROUGH FAILURE
the odyssey chronicles
When I was a kid I loved model airplanes. Not just loved, I was pretty obsessed. I thought they were amazing. I loved the small details, the art of making it look as realistic as possible, most of all the process of building each section out one by one.
I had several F-16's, B-17's and helicopters hanging from my ceiling. We hung them from fishing string, that way you couldn’t see what was holding them up. My older brother and I would spend weekend after weekend building these models. We were so focused on building the most realistic version of each we would even paint all the interior portions of the model that no one would ever see. I remember laying in bed looking up imagining them in dog fights with each other, what the pilots were saying as they flew past each other. What the engines would sound like when they flew by.
I was usually pretty happy with the finished product. I could never remove my slight disappointment, because of my skill as a child, in making what I imagined it would look like in real life. Each one I built I got a little more detailed, a little more involved in the process and more accepting of the time it took to accomplish my elaborate goals I had in my head. However, each one showed me my lack of ability to make it look just like I wanted. I wanted a war torn B-17 clinging to life with the left two engines blown out. Well, at 10 years old this was just a tad bit out of my skill set. I remember becoming more and more frustrated with myself as time went on. I was just not able to create the look I had in my head. Even though they did get continuously better as time went on. This meant every time I finished a model I was faced with some sort of failure. No matter how many magazines I could get my hands on for ideas and techniques or how many models I built I was not able to achieve that level of expertise I wanted.I eventually became more interested in friends and outside activities as I grew up and less involved with models. It didn’t take long for me to forget about them all together.
Fast forward 25 years and it really isn’t any different. I’m not working with models but I still get that feeling of frustration with my abilities. There seems to be a disconnect with the vision in my head and the exact outcome. I want perfection, or at least an exact replica of what I envisioned. I used to struggle with starting projects because I would knew I would be frustrated with my lack of ability to translate what was in my head into reality.
perfection is an unbeatable monster and destroyer of dreams.
I struggled for several years pushing myself to be perfect at what I loved to do. I would sink all my time, attention, emotions and bandwidth into it. Most of the time it would end with frustration at the end result. I thought that desiring perfection was the same as the analogy, “shoot for the moon and land among the stars”, which I have learned is not the case. My desire for perfection building war torn replicas of world war two era bombers as a 10 year old is as insane of an idea as me desiring perfection out of myself as a 25 year old small business owner and strength athlete. The fact of the matter is I just didn’t have the time in yet to create the talent to live up to my expectations.
I love a good challenge that forces me to see what my best looks like. I love the idea of being the best. I want to, and will always want to push myself and my abilities. This is ingrained in me deeply, a core value of mine. One of the many things I have learned though is that expecting perfection without time in and without failure is as unrealistic as climbing Mt. Everest without a jacket.
We can not expect our minds and bodies to achieve anything close to perfection without the process that it takes to get there, at least not achieving with anything that is worthwhile. I look at it as a lift in the gym. If I want to build a heavy deadlift what do I need to do? I record my movement, I send it to a coach or trusted seasoned professional. I read, learn and develop my knowledge base behind the lift and implement that knowledge to the best of my ability. I take each lift daily as a lesson learned, what worked, what didn’t, what needs my attention and what is firing on all cylinders. What does my lifts look like in comparison to my goal? Am I making progress? If so, then how can I make it even better? If I am not, it’s time to reassess and look at what needs to change.
We have to take a step back and accept the fact that perfection doesn’t exist. Not saying we can’t become better at what we do, we just can’t lie to ourselves. At no point in time will be ever be perfect, life is a battle of 1%’s. We shave off 1% of useless stuff here, we add 1% of helpful knowledge there and we implement as we go. We have to look at our time in life as constant opportunities to learn and develop. It is really easy to get caught in the unproductive trap of perfectionism. We can only grow our abilities if we focus on growing, focusing on failure only slows down the process. Failure is a necessary part of life. In the gym, if you don’t find it on a regular basis you literally will stifle your bodies ability to grow.
This whole process of living is a refining of your person. 1% change a day is 365% a year.
20+ years into my lifting career I am still in the process of developing my lifts. There will always be something to learn, always be something that could be better. 20+ years into building models I’m refining the process of taking what is in my head and turning it into reality.
failure is not something we can avoid. it will show up, it’s a necessary part of life. what you do with it is up to you.
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